Let's start by saying that the idea of ​​mothers who think it’s important to save some time for themselves is not a novel phenomenon: not so long ago several generations lived under the same roof so a newborn's arrival and the everyday tasks associated with it was not just one person’s burden. Compared to this, most mothers nowadays are alone with their children at home, while grandparents may be hundreds of miles away or could still be working.

All in all, even if only for a short time, but most moms can afford to have someone else looking out for their children, as most people have an eager relative or a trusted friend who – though probably after a bit of organizing – is willing to babysit for you every now and then. But even if you manage to make all these preparations, the question still arises: what will others say about leaving your child alone, just to go to a beauty salon / get a haircut / work out or just relax with a refreshing massage? Humiliating and judging moms became such a popular sport that in America it’s even got a name: ‘mom shaming’, however, is mostly based on other people's insecurities, so the only advice we can give you is to just ignore them as much as you can. 

We’re not saying that being a mother or a father doesn’t involve a lot of effort and sacrifice, because it’s very obvious that it does. At the same time, we – and especially moms – tend to see it as a competition: who hasn’t slept for the longest, who is living off leftovers, who had not been at a hairdresser in ages and who didn’t even have the time for a shower.

Meanwhile, moms are under a lot of other kind of social pressure too: be attractive, be fit, get your pre-pregnancy shape back, smile always!

And almost nobody talks about the fact that to be a mother with a baby and stay at home is a truly tremendous task, and you have every right to just do what makes the experience easier for you. If you want to spend your minimum leisure time sleeping on the couch for 20 minutes, and you are not willing to replace your baby food-stained sweatpants, go for it and don’t worry about anyone else’s opinion for a second!

But if you get your energy from going to the beauty salon and getting yourself a bit more put-together by giving yourself a reason to not be in yoga pants all day and maybe have a chance to exchange more than three sentences with an adult, then do it and get your well deserved kick of energy out of it! Remember, you are a hero, not a martyr! There is a huge responsibility on your shoulders, you’re under a massive amount of pressure, you don’t need others to make your life even more difficult and you definitely shouldn’t allow them to make it harder.

While every year dozens of new books come out for new parents that are claiming to explain the one true way of making the baby happy and healthy, there is little talk about what makes the parents happy - in fact, it is a taboo to talk about the possibility that changing diapers, breastfeeding and having a tiny human burp on you might not – in the long run – make you completely satisfied.

But the time spent on yourself, even if it’s just an hour, when you let yourself relax and recharge, helps you to be more patient, more balanced and cheerful, while making you feel like you don’t live in a prison of your own maternity. And if you're happy, your baby is happier – it really is so simple!

Not to mention that time spent on yourself and on expressing your womanhood is also good for your relationship: the arrival of a newborn is a serious test for any relationship, as there is less time for each other, roles are rearranged, lovers start considering each other in different ways: as a mother and a father. Patience is key, but sometimes you need to remind yourself and your partner that you are not just a mother, but also a woman – for everyone’s benefit.

Remember that your family is a team: supporting each other, helping each other, and if someone is happy, everyone else will share in their happiness too.

Last but not least, it is important to note that even though for your baby you will always primarily be a mother, but you’re also their first example of how a woman behaves, what role she plays in the world and how she feels. Of course you want to be a responsible, caring and loving mother - but is that all you want to be? Don’t you want to teach your child that you are a woman, and as such, that means you’re a mother – but also so much more? That you’re a real, flesh-and-blood human with self-directed will and needs? Because that’s obviously what you want your kids to be when they grow up, isn’t it? Then what are you waiting for? Book an appointment at the beauty salon, the massage therapist or a yoga class, get out of the house a little and let yourself recharge however you feel like it!